Dear Ryann

Hello readers. As you've probably guessed, the adoption opportunity we were pursuing in Chicago has come to a close. There are a lot of unanswered questions and we are struggling to gain closure. All I can say is that the situation got messy and hazy, and in the end, I believe the birth mother just gave up and allowed life to take over. It's the sad reality of a life in poverty. And I wish it weren't so.

Joel and I are doing well despite it all. Although deeply saddened...for us, for the birth mother, for the child...we know it is time to move on and pursue other opportunities. Time will tell when those "other opportunities" will arise. Please continue to pray for us as we wait. Until then, we will seek closure on the last three months in any way we know how. For me it is to write a letter to the baby we thought would be ours. A little girl named, Ryann.

Dear Ryann,

Over the last three months, I have had the honor of getting to know your mother, learning about your strong-willed in-utero personality, dreaming about you, praying for you, and picturing what it would be like to have you as my daughter. To rock you to sleep, to feed you, hold you, and protect you. To give you a life full of love, laughter, and opportunity. But it wasn't meant to be.

Your mother and father are good people. But they have tough lives. I worry that they may not be able to provide for you and your siblings. However, knowing that you will not be separated from them brings me great comfort. They are your flesh and blood and they love you dearly. They are your connection to your roots and your past. A history we would not have been able to provide. And I am thankful you will now have that.

I have had your ultrasound picture pinned up in the kitchen for a couple of months now. While I know the opportunity to adopt you into our family has come to a close, I can't seem to take it down.  It's a reminder to pray for you daily and to keep hoping that you are safe and well. Your chubby little fist made me laugh from the first day I saw it. I imagined you as a feisty little toddler running around our house someday, and it made me smile.  You would have fit in perfectly with all the ladies in my family!  But more importantly, that tightly clenched fist assured me that God created a fight in you...a fight that will hopefully drive you to love deeply, dream wildly, and never let anyone take advantage of you. After all, you are a precious daughter of God no matter who raises you here on earth. I pray you will always know His great love for you.

And even though I will never get to call you "daughter", myself, I will always carry you with me in my heart.

Yours truly,
Holly

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."
-2 Corinthians 6:18