There and Back Again: A Hassenzahl's Tale...

When Joel and I bought each other hiking backpacks as wedding gifts nearly seven years ago, we had no idea where life would take us. We only knew we wanted to be taken. This is one area of our lives where the desires of our hearts have been granted. When I think of the places we've seen, the people we've met, the things we've learned...I am humbled and so very grateful.

We've had the privilege of traveling all over the world...often together, sometimes apart. And this year is no different! There's nothing quite like the exhilaration of travel to take my mind off the constant dull ache of infertility. We love Madison. And we LOVE our Madison friends so very dearly. But sometimes it's refreshing to get a reprieve from what's become the "baby bubble." To open our eyes and expand our horizons...to see that in the grand scheme of things we're not alone and we're not behind. It just feels that way living in a town and church community where seemingly 1 in 3 women are brimming with new life. It's a beautiful thing, really. Just a hard pill to swallow for us fertility-challenged couples.

After a quick jaunt to Oklahoma City for a work conference, Joel and I will be boarding a flight to Nairobi, Kenya in July. This will be our fourth trip to Kenya, and our third time spending our anniversary in an airplane over the African continent. I'd say that's pretty fitting! There's honestly no place I'd rather be on my wedding anniversary, than squished into a tiny airplane seat, sipping mediocre airline wine out of plastic cups, with my hubby and most favorite travel buddy. Truly. This is not sarcasm, folks! Shocking...I know. And to say that Joel and I are excited about this trip would be an understatement. There will be much more blogging to come regarding this adventure...stay tuned!

We will return home from Kenya on July 18th. After a couple weeks of recuperation, which generally entails a great deal of sleep and a diet solely consisting of cereal, we will pack up the car and the dog and head north. To my motherland. To my oh-so-beautiful home state of Minnesota. The lakes of Minnesota have become our summer happy place. I'm very fortunate to have parents with homes on two of the most beautiful lakes in the state. I can't wait to lie in bed, listening to the call of the loons, after a day of playing in the water, relaxing in the sun, eating too much, drinking too much...well, you get the point.

To cap off the summer, I will once again be returning to a place that's quickly becoming my home away from home. Boulder, Colorado. I love this town. I adore the friends I've made there. And the Flatirons, with the Rocky Mountains behind them, are simply awe-inspiring. And the best part of it all? My travels to Boulder are almost always for work. Thus everything is paid for...either by my company or the research institution that I collaborate with there. Bliss. In fact, the building in the photo above is one of the two facilities I "work" at when I'm in Boulder. Pretty rough, right? (Note: You may need to click on the photo to see the building clearly).

As crazy as this summer will be, the very thought of it...the places I'll be, the faces I'll see...energizes my soul and refreshes my outlook on life. I am so very blessed. And so very thankful for springtime, which unfailingly ushers in clarity and a little skip in my step.

My lover spoke to me, saying: “Arise, my darling; My beautiful one, come away with me! Look! The winter has passed, the winter rains are over and gone. The pomegranates have appeared in the land, the time for pruning and singing has come; the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree has budded, the vines have blossomed and give off their fragrance. Arise, come away my darling; my beautiful one, come away with me!”
- Song of Songs 2:10-13

Follow-Up

Well, it appears as though Courtney, the blogging mama of 11 kids who inspired yesterday's post, got quite the mix of responses to her list of questions she regarded as "poor etiquette" (most of them I repeated here).

She wrote a follow-up post today that I think is worth a read. She makes some very good points. And as a wannabe adoptive parent, I love reading what she has to say. I hope you do, too...

http://www.storinguptreasures.com/2011/04/little-more-from-yesterday.html

Etiquette

Today, I feel compelled to bring up a subject that quite frankly makes my pulse race. It's the subject of etiquette, where another person's family life and decisions are concerned. Please accept my apologies if this post comes off as a reprimand. As someone who has repeatedly and increasingly been on the receiving end of ill-placed questions and remarks, I wish only to educate and shed light on this matter.

Poor etiquette in regard to the aforementioned subject can be hurtful, even when it is well-intentioned. What individuals, couples or families go through behind closed doors is deeply personal. The decisions they make are, in the end, between themselves and God. I understand that in Christian circles, we are encouraged to be open and honest. To shed our masks and love each other just as we are. But I also believe these Christian ideals need not apply to every "Joe Shmoe" you may pass in the church hallways. As many of you know, I am very open to discussing our infertility (otherwise, I would not be writing this blog!). But I do not appreciate being put on the spot by people I barely know...people that assume this, that, and the other thing about my husband and me. You never know what people are going through. So I urge you - unless you know you are in someone's "inner circle", please think before you speak or ask questions like the following...

[Note: These questions were taken from one of my favorite bloggers, a woman named, Courtney. Mother to 11 children...six biological, five adopted. She is pretty fabulous, and knows a thing or two about this subject. I encourage you to follow her at: http://www.storinguptreasures.com/]

Things you should never say. Ever.
* Never, ever ask a women if she is pregnant. She could be overweight. She could have an illness, or she could have diastasis.

* Never ask a big family if "they know how that happens". It's crude. No one wants to discuss their sex life with a stranger.

* Never ask an adoptive family which ones are their "real kids". All children are real.

* Never ask an adoptive family if the children are "real brothers and sisters". Siblings are siblings no matter how they became that way.

* Never ask a childless couple when they are going to have kids. They could be trying. They could be infertile. They may not want children.

* Never ask a homeschooling Mom about socialization. It's laughable.

* Never say to a big family, "Your house must be huge". Usually our homes are not.

* Never say to a big family, "You must be rich!". We usually are not.

* Never ask someone how much money they make. Period.

* Never say to a Mom of a big family, "Your husband must be a doctor or lawyer". They usually are not.

* Never ask a single person why they are still single.

* Never ask if the black child in a family is from Africa. Not all black adopted children come from Africa.

* Never make a reference about The Blind Side to an adoptive family.

* Never ask a dating couple when they are going to get married.

* Never, even in jest ask a couple if they are "done". I don't care how many kids they have. It's rude.

* Never ask a woman when she is due, unless you are certain, without a doubt, that she is expecting.

* Never tell a pregnant woman how she is carrying. No one wants to know their butt has gotten bigger. Or that they are carrying "all over".

* Never tell a new Mom how to take care of her baby. She will figure it out herself like we all do.

* Never assume the gender of a baby. If you don't know, simply use the phrase "Your baby is _____________ {fill in the blank}".

* Never offer disciplinary advice to a Mom with a child who is out of control. You don't know if that child has autism, ADHD, RAD and that Mom may very well be doing the best she can.

* If a child is melting down in a public place, don't stare. Move on. Again you have no idea what that child may mentally be dealing with.

* If you see a big family pull up in a van, please no jokes about baseball teams, the circus, or a daycare.

* Never ask a homeschooling Mom how she manages to teach all of her children. Teachers have 25-35 students each day they have to teach and they aren't even her own kids.

* Never ask an adoptive family which kids are adopted. No adopted child wants to be pointed out.

* Never ask an adoptive parent how much their child "cost".

* Never make an Angelina Jolie reference to an adoptive family. None of us have nannies, personal trainers, housekeepers, and look like her after so many kids.

* Never make a Duggar reference to a big family. Most of us are nothing like them.

* Never say to a big family, "You should have your own reality TV show."

* Never tell any mother that her child is anything but adorable and perfect.

* Never say things to the older children of a big family like "You must have to work so hard." Or "It must be really hard to have all of those siblings." Our kids will look at you like you are crazy.

* If a pregnant woman looks very pregnant, never say "You look ready to pop". She may have months left to go.

* Never, ever tell a pregnant woman she looks like she is carrying twins. She probably isn't.

* Never tell a childless couple how great having a baby is. Again, they may be infertile.

* Never tell new parents all of the horror stories of being a parent.

* Never tell a newly pregnant woman all of the horror stories of birth.

* Never ask an adoptive Mom about her children's birth parents, especially in front of the child. Things like "Why didn't they want him?" or "Why was she given up?" are hurtful to the child and often times the adoptive parent prefers to keep the information on the birth parents private.

* Never ask a family who has chosen to adopt first, "When are you going to have children of your own." He is my own, damn it.

* Never say "Oh, you must be a saint for adopting these poor kids" or "Oh I hope they appreciate what you've done for them". They probably don't, just like my bio kids probably don't appreciate me giving birth to them.

On a personal note, I give you permission to call me out if the words I speak are ever hurtful or offensive, assuming or condescending in light of your current life circumstances. As Mahatma Ghandi taught me, I have to be the change I want to see in this world...

Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.
-Proverbs 17:28